This is one of those days when I hear this question in my head so loud.
“IS STAYING REALLY WORTH IT?”
Followed by an army of other questions like -
“but what after?”
“what are you going to do?”
“how about your bills?”
“don’t you realize you don’t have any savings?”
“what are you going to tell them?”
“how do you tell them?”
Just wanted to share an entry I posted on my multiply account last May 8, 2011.
Last Saturday, I partly-ran and partly-walked what seemed to be the longest 2 miles of my life. With my occasional running, err, make that walking around the UP acad oval as my only credential, I decided to join the Run to Build 3k Agape Run with my sister.
I came there unprepared. The only semblance of getting ready I did was purchasing my running shoes the night before. Assembly time was at 5:30 am and I woke up a little after 5 (bummer). I was excited, I kid you not, but my body showed some reluctance because of the work week that was.
My sister and I got there with our eyes still droopy but we grew enthusiastic at the sight of the start line. While I was determined to finish the race, my sister was up to something else. She said she wanted to finish 5th at the least. I had no doubt that she could but I had a huge doubt that I could. It was an Agape run and we’re supposed to finish together.
It was a little past six and then, gun start. My sister and I started strong (yes, i mean it). There were points when we would start walking to catch our breath and rest a bit but we would go back running immediately.
1km, 2km and we’re both doing well – until I felt my tummy ache. It’s that kind of pain that starts at one portion of your tummy then spreads out, like premenstrual pain (and it wasn’t pre-period pain). I stopped running and walked with hopes of the pain going away soon. My sister slowed down and walked with me. She asked me how I was and told me that I probably was not breathing properly. She was telling me to inhale deeply through my nose then exhale through my mouth. She told me not to rush. She said we’d get back running when I already feel okay.
A lot of other runners have already gone past us. We’ve already been spending so much time walking and the pain was still there and was getting extreme. I already wanted to stop and quit but my sister kept on encouraging me not to, kept telling me that the pain would go away soon. I was starting to get really exhausted. It was just really hard to get back running. I was also getting frustrated. I wanted to finish and on top of that, I wanted my sister to finish with the best time possible. But just as much as my situation’s hindering me to get back running, it was also keeping her. It’s an Agape Run and we’re supposed to finish together but I knew I already had to let her off. So I told her, “Go! Run!” and then off she went. She probably just needed to hear that from me. She was out of my sight in a few minutes.
I continued walking – eager to finish, eager to meet with my sister at the end of the line. I started running at the sight of the finish line and struggled to it. Around 5 minutes after my sister finished her race, I also finished mine. Thank You Lord! It was such a rewarding feeling and it was only by His grace that I did.
This run is, so far, the best moment I had with my sister. And this run definitely stand as my week’s highlight.
I have heard life being compared to a race so many times already. In the bible, races are also used as illustrations for this and experiencing an actual one breathed more sense to it.
I started strong in the race. This took me to the moment when I got saved. I was elated, and felt blessed to the brim. The discovery and acceptance of God’s love placed so much confidence in me that no matter what life might throw at me, I know I would be able to endure it by God’s grace.
In the middle of the run, there was pain. This reminded of what Pastor Dan once said; that it is mid-race when it’s most challenging and most tempting to quit. It is at this point when we should most persevere, keep our faith and stay strong.
But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. – Isaiah 40:31
This also the point where we are to encourage each other. (Thank God for my sister!) Another precious mid-run insight I had was that, we have our own races, we have our own paces. As much as we want someone close to run with us, the fact is they have their own race to finish and we just have to let them off and just look forward to meeting them at the end of the line.
And we’ll never know, some faces at the end of the line might even come as a bonus.
Finishing was rewarding. I heard one pastor say that the way we view death determines how we live our life. If we see death, our finish line as a wonderful thing, as a reward, as that precious moment when we would finally be with our Father; then we would live and continue in faith, we would run with perseverance until we get to the end.
I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing. – 2 Timothy 4:7-8
And this for me was what the Agape Run was all about. It was about Christ’s love, the highest form of love, that has enabled me to start, enables me to continue and will enable me to finish my race.
I got myself a new pair of sandals last night from Forever 21 and decided to wear them today to work. Matched them with a floral skirt for some summer vibe since Mr. Sun decided to show up today.
I’m loving the color mustard a lot lately. There’s something happy and fun about it. I will forever adore the clothes at Forever21 too. All those aztec prints and boho stuff were screaming “get me” last night. If only I had the money, I swear I’d buy them without a bat of an eyelash.
I do not know a lot of stores in the Philippines carrying hippie, boho stuff so I usually turn to Forever21 for them. They are pricey though (yes, forever21 is pricey in this country) so I usually just get myself a thing or two whenever I drop by and usually get the ones on sale. The stuff i liked last night were still too much, price wise, for me so I had to say no. I am now aware of how quickly some styles in f21 run out so I won’t be surprised if I don’t get to see those clothes again when I get back.
Case in point, this bag:
Spotted this the day before my birthday. I soooo wanted to have it but couldn’t afford it at that time so, I told myself I’ll just go back for it. However, when i did, it’s gone. Sad fate.
So note to self: Things don’t last in forever 21. They are not going to be there forever. When you let go of something, let go totally. If you want something so badly and can afford it, get it right at that instant!
In my last entry, i declared embracing pain and bruises like never before just so I can do superman (the pole trick) but guess what? I didn’t. I was surprisingly lazy at pole class last Saturday. I felt too tired to do tricks and even too tired to be into the choreography. I was also extra sweaty, I couldn’t do a yogini. Over trying to perfect the superman, my head kept on complaining about how much it hurts. I got confused doing the glide during choreo and I wanted not to do the skater.
I don’t know what just happened. My head wasn’t definitely in the game. It’s probably because the work week was stressful and that I am feeling emotional about certain things. Whatever. I felt my 400 pesos went to waste. Okay, not really. Atleast, I was able to still work out and to be fair, i got the fan kick right finally. I got home a bit depressed to be honest. I wanted to nail that superman but emotions went over will. I went home with bruises that I was not too proud of.
Caleb was nice enough to treat me to a massage after class.
He had me try the traditional Filipino massage at Blue Water Day Spa, which felt incredibly good and relaxing until i felt some throbbing pain in my head. Why hello, migraine, wonderful timing! After two hours of what could have been a wonderful massage, we tipped the masseuse and then hurried to the nearest 7 eleven to get some ibuprofen. Imagine the irony – me dizzy and looking tipsy after getting out of a spa. I probably was destined to be weak that day. After dinner, where Caleb actually had to finish my food, I already dropped the idea of going home to Laguna and just went back to my tita’s place to rest. I seriously wanted to cry out the pain, the frustration and a seemingly forming depression but even that, I felt too tired to do.
Fast forward to Sunday morning. We were all awakened by a loud cry at around 5:45 am. It was the worst alarm clock ever. I froze upon trying to analyze where it was coming from. Did somebody downstairs just receive some really bad news? A death probably? What if it was a call from a relative? And then finally, I heard my cousin drop the bomb – his mother skipped a step and fell down the stairs. And so I remained frozen.What if it was so bad? What if there’s blood? What if she’s unconscious? Thank God, I was just paranoid. She sprained her foot but is conscious and fairly okay.
Sleeping through stress and waking up to it felt like a curse and for some reason, I could not get myself to pray. For days already, I could not get myself to pray, could not ask God to take the stress away. I just wanted to complain. Perhaps, to just release.
I finally decided to head home, to my real home, to my family. While waiting for the bus to load, I reached for my bible and read through Isaiah 61 and at last, after what felt like a week-long hiatus, I felt His word speak to me and so, I got myself to pray. I sank into my bus seat and peaceful sleep came to me after I said amen.
I was an energizer bunny when I got home. Amazing. Did a lot of talking and catching up with mama and then, played assistant (a.k.a donut hole rockstar) to papa. I love the feeling of having dough in my hands and I love the feeling of being papa’s little girl and so does my sister!
I seriously love how this mini business is keeping us glued together. Family time is becoming extra lovely!
Amazing how my weekend did not end up a total rot. Thanks to the power of prayers and answers that came in the form of donuts.
Hello new week, let’s rock it!